The Conan Audition.
Does anyone have a spare loincloth that I could borrow? The Conan audition was terrific. Tremendous. Fulfilling.
But first, the “I’m auditioning for Conan” exchange is priceless.
I’m auditioning for Conan.
What, like as a writer?
No, no… Conan the Movie.
How is Conan going to shoot a movie when he’s filming The Tonight Show five days a week?
(Slight Pause) They’re rebooting the Conan Franchise. You know, Arnold, giant sword, crush your enemies, James Earl Jones as a reptile, lamentations of the women…?
(Blank stare…) Oh, Conan, Conan.
Yes. Conan, Conan.
We needed to pick two scenes out the of the five that were selected from the script. My criteria was fairly simple. I wanted to find scenes that would showcase the human, humane and analytical side of the character. In my mind, it was the road less travelled. As an example, when Gerard Butler auditioned for 300, do you think they had him simulate a battle scene in the room, or do you think they gave him the “what would a free man do” scene between he and his wife? I’d bet my book collection it was the latter.¹ When I have a sword in my hand, sitting on a horse with glycerine covering my shoulders and a crew of hundreds managing villages on fire, I’ll be able to channel the inner beast. For now, the quiet moments were much more important. So that’s what I found.
Oh, and I really wanted to say the word “Crom”. Did that, too.
Chad McCord and I switched up our practice a little bit. Normally we run the scenes over and over with Chad giving me little notes along the way. This time, we barely ran the scenes at all. Instead we tried to find a specific motivation behind every line. Reciting lines in a “fantasy” movie is tricky. Simply put, the lines are fantastical. If you ground them and commit to them, they work. If you don’t they fail spectacularly.
Quick aside: There really is no such thing as a bad script. The script is the script. Make it work. If you can’t take a line on a page and graft it to your person, you are failing as an artist. Anyone that says otherwise can’t reconcile their own deficiencies. Or they’re really, really stupid. End of quick aside.
So Chad sent me on my way with a solid plan. Said plan was executed.
Honestly, I wish there was more to say. (You may not know this, but I like waxing poetic.) We set an objective and I delivered in the room. The casting director appreciated my scene selection for the exact reason I anticipated, we did each scene in one take, got to know one another for a little bit and that was that.
On second thought, there were two interesting things about the audition:
- I wasn’t nervous. All the adrenaline that comes with auditioning was still present, but I was able to stay calm. I’m not totally sure why yet. When I figure it out, I’ll let you know.
- When we finished the second scene, I asked the casting director if he wanted another option on the first scene we shot so “the director could have some different levels to look at”. He thought the first scene worked because of the levels I attached to it. My response: “Okay. I want the director to look at the first scene and say ‘that’s the guy’.”
Where the hell did that come from? When I said it, I meant it. And you could see it register in the casting directors face. As a business person he appreciated it. At the end of the day, will it have an impact? I don’t know. But I’m awfully glad it came out of my mouth.
To me, this movie is still out in space a little bit. (Space in this instance being Bulgaria.) My agent is following up this morning. We’ll see.
Some housekeeping notes.
- Not going to get a crack at the series regular on True Blood. They were gunning for a specific look and found it before I got my turn. That show is going to be around for a while. In a similar situation next year I’ll have an 0-1 Visa and another year of experience. We’ll have our moment.
- Still waiting on the two Canadian shows I mentioned earlier in the week.
SA
¹ – And I love my book collection.
