Booking every job you audition for is impossible. And yet, I hate not booking a job more than anything else I can think of, with the notable exception of false humility or people who subscribe to the notion a “white lie” is something which actually exists.
Until this morning, I’d had 3 auditions for episodic shows since wrapping principle photography on Hung. I booked all 3, but shot 2 because of scheduling conflicts. Yesterday evening I was under the impression my 4th audition would yield my 4th booking. This afternoon, my team told me I was now 2nd choice and wouldn’t be getting the part. Concurrently, I was screen-testing for a movie (today) that I do not think I’ll book despite what I consider to be my strongest series of auditions for any project I’ve ever been involved with.
Both non-bookings are purely based on the aesthetic values of the show / movie and don’t in anyway reflect the performance I gave. As a matter of fact, I think my advancement on the movie happened in spite of my physical appearance and as a result of the strength I brought to the reading.
And this is how I know how engaged I am with my industry: Both of these results (one confirmed, one not) fucking piss me off.
When I think I’m best for something, I’ll never accept that I didn’t get it until I’ve eaten the bowl of shit that accompanies the decision. And remembered exactly what it tastes like.