Late night letters.

12:38 am: A couple weeks ago (maybe) I wrote a post called “angryblog” in which I railed (whined? whimpered?) over the outcome of two separate auditions. Lo and behold, one of these opportunities refuses to die. It won’t go away. It has lasted longer than Cedric Benson’s time in prison. (As does almost everything.) If GMail didn’t categorize your life into fileable conversations with dates and keywords aplenty I’d seriously doubt my ability to land a guess within a fifteen day perimeter of my first audition.

This process is maddening because the project is stylistically different than anything I’ve encountered throughout my career. The auditions are improvised. There are scenarios and directives and other actors and… go. As a result, you can’t prepare. When you can’t prepare it directly effects my ability to lend any weight to the project and the artistic opportunity it might afford me in spite of the fact that I really fucking want to do it. Throw in the elaborate and somewhat exotic aspects of the shoot and I have a difficult time rationalizing its very existence. Bahhhhh.

1:02 am: Bill Simmons doesn’t like Hung. It doesn’t suit him. I knew this when I booked it. (Quickly… Who is Bill Simmons for the uninitiated? Bill is a columnist for ESPN and is now running his own online venture under the ESPN umbrella called Grantland; he’s my favorite sports writer. When you play that game where you invite three people to your ultimate dinner party, he almost always makes the cut.) Essentially, I consume all of Bill’s content. This consumption – over the past 10 years – has probably covered 8 months of my life. Seriously. His columns are gigantic, the podcasts are lengthy and his last book was 700 pages. Up until now, I’ve always “known” Bill from a distance and his opinions haven’t carried any consequence that might directly effect me. (As an aside, he doesn’t like Boardwalk Empire or Game of Thrones and he spent the majority of today’s podcast lambasting the series finale of Entourage despite a tacit allowance that he’ll miss the show.) Long story long… I’m worried that Bill’s opinion of Hung will negatively impact my ability to enjoy his work.

This is not a humblebrag. If anything, it’s vaguely homoerotic. Let’s just move on.

1:13 am: If you haven’t already guessed, I can’t sleep.

1:14 am: Chad Kultgen has written three books: The Average American Male, The Lie and Men, Women & Children. Please read all three of these books. If you can only read one, I’ll break it down.

Single Guys: The Average American Male. 

Single Girls: The Average American Male. Your ability to extrapolate truth from the narrative is a direct reflection of your interest level in understanding the opposite sex.

Guys & Girls between 20 – 35 who are in a long-term relationship: The Lie.

Everyone else: Men, Women & Children.

Men, Women & Children - his latest – is the best book. The female narrative line from The Lie shouldn’t even be possible since – to the best of my knowledge – Chad doesn’t know how to hypnotize women.

1:22 am: I met a girl the other day by walking up to her and introducing myself. After the introduction we exchanged cursory information about what each of us did for a living. I didn’t even feel the need to tell her that I was a garbageman (as has become my custom). She’s nice and smart and this totally blows my mind. I’ve been living in Hollywood too long.

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One Response to Late night letters.

  1. Dawn says:

    Good luck on your continuing audition and thanks for the book recommendations.

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