Prelude to a Big Break

It’s 7:56 am.  It’s already been a good day.

Woke up at 6:00 am.  Stretched.  Had some Honeycomb cereal, which was lovely.  Ran west in darkness.

I heard a rant recently about the acting business; specifically, how to deal with failure.  I’ll paraphrase:

If you decide to stare long and hard into the mirror after every failure you experience in the entertainment industry, you’re just going to spend a long f*cking time looking in the mirror.

The implication being that you can’t get too high or too low.  You prepare, you do your best, you throw it away.

I don’t agree.  I can’t agree.

I’m learning to manage the emotional boom / bust cycle of my industry because I think it’s critical to the process. Last Friday was the biggest audition of my life.  Today is the biggest audition of my life.  That’s how I prepare.  If you don’t prepare that way, you’ll never make it.  Actor, entrepreneur, doctor, lawyer, athlete, writer, escort, whatever… Want proof?  Malcolm Gladwell’s got your proof:

The (short) answer is that it’s really risky to work hard, because then if you fail you can no longer say that you failed because you didn’t work hard. It’s a form of self-protection. I swear that’s why Phil Mickelson has that almost absurdly calm demeanor. If he loses, he can always say: Well, I could have practiced more, and maybe next year I will and I’ll win then. When Tiger Woods loses, what does he tell himself? He worked as hard as he possibly could. He prepared like no one else in the game and he still lost. That has to be devastating, and dealing with that kind of conclusion takes a very special and rare kind of resilience.

One of these days, maybe today, it’ll happen.  At that point, the entire preamble, the litany of close calls and false hope, won’t amount to a thing.  Until that moment, they have to be mean a great deal.  They have to sit with me.

By the time I was running west – on Melrose! – the sun was coming up.  I was listening to Dirty Diana by Michael Jackson and thinking about knocking it out of the park.  With the sun beaming right into my eyes I couldn’t see everything in front of me.

But I still knew where I wanted to go.

Audition in 2 hours and 20 minutes.  Some before and after shots –

Last night...

This morning.

Sorry for the lack of posting.

I’ll be throwing down with a massive update tomorrow following my first audition since September 1st.

It will also be the first audition for my playoff beard.  These are precious moments.

Just to make sure that this post isn’t completely bereft of content… here’s the 2nd Beta cut of my Demo Reel. The version that you’re seeing now is 108 seconds less than my first pass.  God bless iMovie.  It is such a wonderful resource.  Less is always more.

11 Days.  Holy shit.

I need to create a gigantic checklist for my trip (move?) to California.  There are also some things with respect to recent posts that I want to cover.  And there is some housekeeping and new additions to the site to tackle.  Why not drop it all together for a mega post to get you through today, your weekend and the early part of next week?  It’s a good idea if you ask me.

This post should be alternately self-indulgent, educational, intentionally and unintentionally funny, heartwarming and eco-friendly.  For the purposes of expedience – and because I’m less than skilled at following a narrative – I’ll put big bold headers at the top of every new thought.  You don’t have to read them all.  But you probably should.

“You’re being too hard on yourself.”

I’ve gotten that email / message / comment / smoke signal repeatedly over the past several weeks.  I’m going to address it right now and then create a page on the site called, “If you think I’m being too hard on myself, click here.”  On this page, you will find the following paragraph:

This site is not a cry for help.  I do not lack confidence.  What I did lack – for a long time – was realism and a concrete plan, both of which, I now have.  The confidence element will become apparent when I book my next big acting job and the title of the ensuing post is, “51 Reasons why my Poop doesn’t smell”.  In the meantime, I’m taking an honest look at my career, my life, the surrounding motivational factors and what it all means.  If you’re true to yourself on a daily basis, that’s what you’ll take away.  If you aren’t, you’ll either, A. stop reading, B. misinterpret my honesty for self-loathing or, C. keep reading because you derive pleasure from the incorrect assumption that you’re witnessing failure.  Sorry to say, but if you fall into the latter category, or any of its subsections, you’re missing the message. Regardless, thanks for reading.

Either you go all the way…  Or there really isn’t any point.

Once I go to California, I will have to generate all my income from acting, and one other project that I’m currently developing. (Details shortly.)  In the interest of transparency, you will now notice a spot in sidebar titled: $ earned since 9/8/09.  When I start making money, I’ll post it.

Sorry if this is taboo, but how else are we going to properly examine the industry if we don’t talk about money? Seriously?  We aren’t the Draper’s.  Shit needs to be out in the open.  I can wax poetic until you feel like you’ve been molested, but at the end of the day, you’re going to want to see results.  I can see you nodding your head.

2009

I feel like Artie Lange.

My diet since last summer has been heinous.  At first this was covered up by my marathon training.  Now?  Not so much.  I drink too much.  I eat junk food.  I don’t exercise regularly.  Now, for those of you who know that I constantly teach spinning classes, let me tell you a little secret: Teaching does not equal Exercising.  If you teach more than a person should realistically exercise – and I do – than it becomes akin to fixing a blister on your heel by walking it off in a new pair of shoes.  In other words, you tax your body physically to the point that it goes on auto-pilot and your fitness level starts eroding.

If, instead of teaching, I exercised four times a week on my own for 60 minutes, I’d feel 100% better than I do right now.

Quick aside: Is this vain?  Yes.  Am I vain?  Sort of.  There are elements of my personality that are not vain at all.  I own one pair of jeans.  I’ve had the same pair of cargo shorts since W.’s second election victory.  I run on a rotation of gray t-shirts and gray t-shirts.  If I never had to shave my (terrible) facial hair again, I wouldn’t.

Conversely…  I’M AN ACTOR.  What I look like, really matters.  Thus, my tacit disregard of this fact for the past 18 months is 9 levels north of stupid.  It’s vanity, yes.  But, it’s mandatory vanity.

What to do?  I know:

• I’m off the bottle.  No drinks until Saturday of the Labor Day weekend.  Thereafter, drinks are reserved for Saturday’s, bachelor parties (can’t let T. Blair down) and special occasions.  No drinks while I’m filming something.  None.
• When I’m in California, I wont be teaching.  Run 2 – 3 times a week.  ”Use the land” 1 -2 times per week.  As I mentioned in a much earlier post, I wont have a gym membership.  That means pushups, chin ups, dips, handstands and yoga (you heard me).
• Don’t eat Nibs, or, as I like to call them, “The Devil’s Turds”.

2006

I’ve been pretty critical of the casting process, so allow me to examine one thing they do really well: Casting directors can sniff out your demeanor.  If you’re confident, desperate, indifferent or casually inebriated, they’ll know.  The perfect mix is 80% confidence, 15% indifference and 5% desperation.  I know this because far too often I’ve been the spectral opposite: 80% desperation, 15% indifference and 5% confidence.

When I went to California in 2006 – hot off of Closing the Ring, my confidence was sky-high.  This time, I’m going with no heat. Things being what they are, I need all the self-confidence I can muster.  Step 1: Sober up.  Step 2: Get in superb shape.  Step 3: Feel fucking awesome.

The Audition List:

As promised – some time ago – here is a list of all the auditions that I’ve had since this site began.  Hereafter, you’ll find this information on a page, by the same name.

• 7/21/09 – Cutting Edge 4
  • Result: Got the job.  Off of a tape.  (Snap.)
• 7/23/09 – Four Saints
  • Result: Never really heard.
• 7/27/09 – The Wild Girl
  • EDIT: Didn’t get it.

• 7/29/09 – Resident Evil IV
  • Result: Great audition.  Didn’t get it.  These sessions are held – for the most part – to appease ACTRA. When a film is shooting in Canada, ACTRA requires that you hold sessions for Canadian actors before you offer the role to an American actor or Canadian name.  In other words, it’s why I’m moving to Hollywood.  In Hollywood, I would audition for Resident Evil IV well before the “token sessions” are held in Canada.  This was covered, in detail, in an earlier post.
• 7/29/09 – Being Erica
  • Result: Solid audition, didn’t get hired.  For the record, I really like auditioning for Stephanie Gorin.  Always feels like I got a fair-shake.  As for Being Erica…  You remember the movieGone in 60 Seconds?  Nicholas Cage  - accomplished car thief – has a vehicular nemesis. Eleanor.  A ‘67 Shelby.  Every time he tries to steal it, something goes wrong.  Being Erica, you are my Eleanor.  My unicorn.  Sometimes, I fear that we’re destined to never be together.
• 8/6/09 – Bloodletting
  • Didn’t get it.  Should not have auditioned.  Went to the audition because I didn’t know what the hell else to do. If you read this blog, or if you check out any of the entries from that week, you’ll understand.
• 8/12/09 – The Hour
  • Should I count this?  I think I should and I make the rules.
• 8/14/09 – Covert Affairs
  • Result: Great audition.  Didn’t get it.  The casting directors office said I was second choice.  As I wrote, Tim Matheson (Director) was an absolute pleasure to work with.
• 8/19/09 – Being Erica
  • Result: See above.
• 9/1/09 – TBA
  • Result: Quite possibly delightful.

Well then…  That should do it, for now.  I know that we didn’t get into the finicky details surrounding picking up and moving. Soon.  I promise.  Even though it isn’t particularly interesting.

I’m off to a wedding in Kitchener (Hooray Love) and then straight to Montreal for my final two days on The Cutting Edge 4.

Have a wonderful weekend everybody.

The truth will set you free!

I just killed an audition! Do I think it happened because getting the Closing the Ring Fiasco off of my chest was cathartic and lovely? You bet I do! Two scenes. Two takes. Supreme confidence. Thank you very much Madame Honesty. You’re a sexy bitch.

The best part: When I arrived at the audition I ran into two actors I know; Tim Rozon (solid guy) and another one, that will remain nameless. Tim and I were having a nice chat when the other actor came out of his audition, took a look at us, and ripped off this beauty: “Why do they even bring me in? This one could go out on offer to both of you.”

Silly me… When I wrote about the different types of things that you see at an audition I left out the passive aggressive dickweed who tries to psyche out other actors out by hitting them with an overindulgent compliment. How could I forget that one? It’s a staple.

Whatever. It didn’t work.

Audition Details:

If you please, I’d like another day to put together the page detailing what I was auditioning for; how the audition went; the actual result and any neat stories that emerged. An actor trains itself to forget auditions when they’re over, so it’s going to take me a little bit of time to go back through the emails from my agency. It’ll be up tomorrow. Probably.

Now... Try it THIS way!

Being Second Choice:

I was going to write an entire post on being “second choice” for a project, but then I realized that acting like a loser isn’t endearing on any level whatsoever. Last Friday I drove down from Muskoka to audition for Covert Affairs. The audition was a lively session with Tim Matheson (the director). You know Tim from more than you might think. Including Animal House!!

This show is going to do well if Tim is prominently involved. The audition was thoughtful, well orchestrated and appropriate. According to my agent, their camp was split and the part I auditioned for ultimately went to Anson Mount. Congratulations Anson.

The larger question is… Should you want to know when you’re second choice? My take is that you should definitely want to know; like, absolutely, positively, without a shadow of a doubt. If you don’t, this is probably the wrong business for you. Second choice is better than “your audition was like drinking pee”. Seriously. You can look it up.

Actra Update:

Raymond Guardia from ACTRA Montreal called me this afternoon right before I was set to meet with a lawyer to figure out whether or not I had a claim against them. Raymond – the Regional Director – seemed like a decent person and he was certainly sincere on the phone. We didn’t get into one of his employees calling me a “retard” (dead-end) but we did go into what ACTRA did and did not do to protect my rights as a member. Mr. Guardia is going to call me again in a week for an update.

Then I met with the lawyer and he did lawyer-y things. (I mean that in the nicest way possible, he was very pleasant and did everything pro bono.)

The end result: ACTRA has made a mistake that cost me approximately $28,000. It was thoughtless, unnecessary and their handling of the situation, both in the immediate aftermath and over the past 11 months, has been four degrees north of sub-par. That being said, they may not have done anything illegal. We’ll see.

A Video Update (from me)!

EDIT: This video was flagged because I uploaded from iMovie and I hadn’t updated my YouTube information. Not to worry. There will be plenty of opportunities for me to chat away.

Here was the gist of the message:

Thank you for reading and contributing and supporting. There’s a lot more stuff in the works. I absolutely adore this website/forum/emotional outlet/soapbox/teaching tool/teaching tool for me.

SA

The Hollywood vs. Toronto Quagmire in a nuthshell:

In my second post for PTABB I answered the rhetorical question, “What’s wrong with Toronto?”  My words:

What’s wrong with Toronto?

You mean aside from the fact that it smells like the inside of a homeless persons sleeping bag?  (Written at the height of the garbage strike…) There isn’t anything wrong with the acting scene in Toronto necessarily, it’s just not the hub of the acting industry. I’m not going to get “in the room” for an American project unless they’ve made the budgetary decision to shoot in Canada. Simple as that. Even then, most of the major casting decisions are made out of LA.

And now, I have a perfect example for you.

This afternoon I have an audition for an American series shooting in Toronto.  The original audition was for a lead role with a guaranteed arc of six-episodes.

(Arc is industry speak for story line, although, the word is bastardized so often by people purposefully shifting agents expectations with respect to the size of the role for the purposes of securing actors who wouldn’t otherwise audition… that I wouldn’t suggest incorporating it into your vocabulary.  This happened to me and my agent on Flashpoint.  It was special, in a “date-rapey” sort of way.)

(I love having this blog.)

Yesterday afternoon my agency called to tell me that I would now be auditioning for a smaller role – albeit, a role that I’m more interested in – because the larger role had gone out “on offer” to somebody in LA.  So now I’m auditioning for a recurring guest-star.  In the grand scheme of things, that’s not a major letdown.  What I’m trying to illustrate is the lesson.

If I was in LA, in all likelihood, I would have been seen for this project 4 – 8 weeks ago when they initiated the casting process. The only reason this role was available in the first place is because the casting director / producers / director didn’t find somebody adequate in LA.  So with production starting in two weeks they had initiated “producer / director casting sessions” for a select group of Canadian actors.

Quick breakdown of the casting process for a network show that shoots in Canada, but originates in LA.

1. The production company, in coordination with the network that they’re working with creates a cast-list.  The cast-list is numbered, with the star of the show getting #1, the second-lead getting #2 and so on.  For example: On House, Hugh Laurie is #1, followed by some combination of Lisa Edelstein, Robert Sean Leonard, Omar Epps, Jennifer Morrison and Jesse Spencer.  Let’s stick with House as an example, because it’s a familiar show, even though it shoots in Hollywood.
2. After creating the cast-list, the production company / network make a wish-list for the show’s lead character and put out offers.  (Interestingly enough, Hugh Laurie actually had to audition for his part because he was largely unknown in North America.  Hugh got the job, mostly because he’s fucking awesome.)
3. Once the lead is cast the production company / network decide what other roles are going to go out on offer.  It’s far more expensive to come to terms with somebody who is worthy of receiving an offer than it is to audition and hire somebody who you pay scale or slightly above.  So, let’s imagine that everyone except Jennifer Morrison and Jesse Spencer received an offer.
4. The production company / network tells their casting director to hold auditions for those two characters.  Auditions are held in Los Angeles and a breakdown is sent to New York…  They don’t find anyone.  A North American search is organized and actors start putting themselves on tape.  While this is happening, they’re holding additional casting sessions in Hollywood (and probably New York) to make sure that they didn’t miss anyone the first time around.  If they still can’t find anybody they’ll look through the tapes.  Take it from me, getting a job off of a tape is difficult for reasons that should be pretty easy to understand; namely, there is a marked difference between walking into a room and appearing on a tape. Prior to submitting the “select tapes” to network for consideration, the producers will likely consider whether or not there is room in the budget for another “star-name” in one of, or both, of these roles.  In the end, let’s assume there aren’t any viable options on the tapes, and they can’t afford another “name”.
5. With Day #1 of shooting fast approaching, the production company relocates to Toronto so they can scout locations, hire local unions and about 834,965 other things.  The production company contacts a local casting director in Toronto and tells her/him to organize a session of select actors for the two remaining parts to fill.  The casting director is also given the first couple of scripts and told to start casting the smaller speaking roles (guest-stars, principle roles, recurring principle roles).  Then, and only then is a Toronto actor going to walk into a room and meet the people who ultimately make the decision.

(Hang on…  I feel like I should put on a rock-ballad for everyone to listen to.)

(There.  Let that guy play while you keep reading.)

In life, when you have to qualify a strategy by utilizing the word “if” more than once, you’re going to fail.

So, do you see why I have to go?  This example is a little extreme, but it’s sort of like the difference between someone who works half-heartedly and spends too much money on lottery tickets and someone who busts their ass everyday of their life; all the while charting their Journey to the top.  See what I did there?

The perfect role, on the perfect show might end up at the casting house across the street from my condo.  It might.

The perfect role, on the perfect show will find you, if you put your heart, mind and soul into seeking it out.

Have a good weekend everybody and thank you for reading.

SA

Let’s get interactive!

As promised, here is my audition tape for the job that I booked last week.  Now, I’m not just going to put up tapes that result in me booking a job.  That’d be ridiculous, counterproductive and sissy-like.  Having said that, I can only post things that I self-tape.  If I sent an email to a casting director asking for my audition tapes, the earth might actually tilt off its axis.  Why?  I have no idea.

Enough stalling.  Give it a watch and then meet me on the other side for the review:

I got the sides (industry-speak for the sheets that you read in your audition) at 4pm, the day before the self-tape.  I had assumed (stupidly) that I would go on tape two days later.  Instead, the only time available to me was 11am the next day.  This was discovered when I phoned the casting house at 10am.  I’m an idiot.

So I read over the sides and the character description; started rehearsing; hopped in the shower; rehearsed in the shower; threw some clothes on and hustled over to Casting Link.  Thankfully, Casting Link is a solid seven-iron from my condo.

Scene 1: I’m not happy with this scene.  There are a few ticks that I have in the audition process and I keep seeing them here. Whatever.  Pretty sure it only took two takes to lock it down.

Scene 2: Goodness, gracious this scene was difficult to pull off.  First of all, I kept getting hung up on the fourth of fifth sentence of the speech.  The room was only booked for 30 minutes and after the fourth time I fucked it up, the pressure began to mount. Cue the arm-pit sweat.  Torrential arm-pit sweat.  (You’re going to watch the tape again and stare at my pits.  Admit it!!)

As an added bonus this scene was played to camera.  That’s like asking a baseball player not to fiddle with his genitals after every pitch.  As an actor you’re taught not to look into the camera under any circumstances.*  Long story, medium length: This scene required 11 takes, and the first one I completed is the one we used.

* – Notable exceptions have been made for Zack Morris, the chick from Notes by a Hooker (can’t remember the name of the show and I’m not wasting time on google) and Stephen Amell in the pilot that I wrote called Feature Piece; you’ll be hearing more about that in the not so distant future.

Scene 3: This was a fun scene in the self-tape and I’m really excited to shoot it.  Can you think of anything more enjoyable than doing an impersonation of a sports-personality who takes himself way too seriously?  I can’t.  (No word, yet, on whether or not they’ll let me grow a Rod Black-ian tickler.)

And that’s it…  Watching yourself isn’t easy.  I’m hyper-critical just like everyone else, so if I sound like an asshole, my apologies.

Personal / career update:

I’ve had an extremely difficult week.  A man that I respected, admired and loved is no longer with us.  A woman who I was growing more and more fond of, is no longer with us.

All that’s left is memories, family and friends.  Today, we start moving forward.  I cleared out my inbox.  I filled my calendar.  I applied for a writing job (more on that soon).

It’s not going to be easier tomorrow, so you just have to do it today.

SA

Family

I ate a big meal last night.  And I slept better.  We’re getting facts, so we’re getting closure.

I want to write more on the subject and I will after Monday.

While I still can.

I saw my Aunt Carolyn, Aunt Rosebud and her son Jonathan this morning. Jonathan is a lovely boy.  Polite and thoughtful and properly infatuated with his mother.  I hadn’t seen him since I could bounce him on my knee.  He’s going to be taller than me. I’m not totally okay with this.

Aunt Rosebud, Jonathan and Uncle David spent 6 months in a motor home last year driving and driving (and driving).  Along the Oregon Coast; through Mexico; onto Arizona and Utah and Nevada and South Dakota; through parts of Illinois and into Toronto and out to Niagra; up Maine and into New Brunswick and over to Halifax; they found Lake Superior and surfing and places that aren’t advertised because people don’t want to be disturbed; it was fishing and volunteering and appreciating. They always wanted to do it and they did it.

Jonathan knows more about Canada than I do.  He has likely seen more than I will ever see.  He’s 9.  I can still beat him at arm-wrestling.

(That’s all I’ve got.)

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Feeling

I auditioned yesterday.  I felt like an asshole for auditioning.  The audition was terrible. The character was supposed to be well-intentioned, but a bit of a fool.  I was awkward and I didn’t understand the direction of the pages I was given.  I hadn’t showered. I looked (in my mind) a little like Artie Lange.

(Here’s the flip side.)

I auditioned yesterday.  If I had decided not to audition, I would have felt like an asshole.

These are the circumstances that I’m struggling with.  Music makes me sad, but I don’t enjoy being alone with my thoughts. Listening to a podcast seems remedial and self-indulgent and stupid, but I can turn my brain off.  So I listen in fits and starts.  I begin, but I don’t finish.  My body feels like an unmade bed with grimy sheets, but I do not want to exercise.  I want to express my feelings and flush my sadness; that feels narcissistic and inappropriate.  I want to be there for my wife, and ask her what to do at all times, but I don’t want to burden her with questions.

All of these feelings are better than not feeling at all, which is all you can take away.

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Friends

To Mr. Bolton for making me laugh a little.  Normally CB calls me on Google Video Chat and tries to trick me into looking at his junk when I click answer.  Tuesday he called me to talk.  Moments ago he bought me a beer.  Thank you Bolts.

Act with your friends. It's the best.

To Gunner.  We haven’t seen one another as much as we’ve wanted to.  Gunner had a daughter and Gunner is going to have a son and Gunner is good at what he does; translation: busy dude.  But we saw each other last Thursday night and we talked about important things.  Thank you Gunner.

What the French Quarter does to your very soul.

To Tav, who called me Monday and Tuesday just to let me speak.  It’s difficult to have an oversized heart when your 79 inches tall. Tav has an oversized heart.  Thank you Tav.

I'm not creative enough to write an adequate caption.

To Tim.  For calling and telling me that he was there for me.  You don’t have to make grandiose gestures.  You just have to mean what you say.  Thank you Tim.

Again... My stag was in New Orleans. It will never be topped. NEVER.

To Jeffrey.  I hope I never have to get in a foxhole.  Or anything resembling a foxhole.  For the purposes of a successful analogy… If I ever went in said foxhole that I don’t want to go in, and hope I never have to go in (up to and including something in the likeness of a foxhole…), I’d want you to be in there with me.  Thank you Jeff.

You're welcome, Kentucky Derby.

To Mr. Blair.  For so many things, but mainly for asking a question on Sunday night.  I’m always going to remember the answer.

"Derby on." If you don't understand the expression, we can never be friends.

Have a wonderful weekend everybody.

SA

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Technically, this isn’t a picture.  It’s a screen-grab.

My blog stats reset every morning at 7:00 am.  Over the first hour, two people found the blog by typing “how to tackle nerves in audition” and “how to break through acting industry“.

There’s no way to tell if these two people found what they were looking for.  For all I know, they were trying to find video of someone barfing in a room full of strangers to satiate some bizarre fetish.  Whatever.

In my mind – for the time being – I’d like to imagine that they were trying to wrap their heads around the acting industry.  And I’d like to imagine that this site helped them.

Spielberg ruined it for everyone

Auditions are inherently disappointing, even when they’re awesome. Both of my auditions today were just that. Awesome. Concurrently, they left me wanting. Why? Steven Spielberg, that’s why! When Spielberg was auditioning a young Henry Thomas for the part of “Elliot” in E.T. he wraps up the proceedings – seconds after Thomas finishes – with, “Ok kid, you got the job”. (Wait until 3 seconds are left in the video)

Can you imagine? “Ok kid, you got the job.” Six words, seven syllables and zero hesitation. That’s what I want. I want an audition to end with some semblance of the following:

• Very good, Stephen. Works starts next Monday.
• Well… (Long pause, slightly effeminate tone) Sommmmebody came prepared.
• Your agent’s number is listed on your resume right? Is he going to be at his desk in the next five minutes?
• Ok kid, you got the job.

This isn’t just Steven Spielberg’s fault; though, it is fun to create a grudge against a famous director. We live in an era of instant gratification. We want, what we want, when we want, which is always right away. For that reason alone, solid preparation before an audition / job interview is paramount. You need to be at peace with the way you have prepared and executed, otherwise you’ll feel like a home-owner who goes away for the weekend but forgets to lock the garage door. You fret. You agonize. Ultimately (inevitably) you realize that your angst is the by-product of a nagging sense that you didn’t do everything within your power to get the job.

There are worse feelings, but they almost always involve something illegal.

I nailed my auditions today. So I wait, peacefully.

Charting a course for Hollywood

I’ve driven to Hollywood before. August of 2000… On the way down I did the drive there in 3.25 days. I could have made it on the Wednesday save for the following reasons:

1. I was 19 and scared shitless.
2. I had no idea where I was going to live in Hollywood, let alone how to navigate around it. Thus, I wanted to arrive mid-morning, as opposed to late night.
3. The finale of the first season of Survivor was on. I watched it in Barstow, California. How have we not seen a feature film on the first season of Survivor? Here’s one man’s no-brainer cast: Marcia Gay Harden as Sue, Phillip Seymour Hoffman as Rich (gotta get an actor with some chops to circumnavigate the great Richard Hatch), Kelly Clarkson as Kelly, Anthony Hopkins as Rudy, John Salley as Gervase, Chris Carpenter as Joel (they’re identical) and Jeff Probst… as Jeff Probst. Here’s a link to the original cast and the famous “if I saw you dying of thirst I wouldn’t give you a drink of water” speech. Memories.

On the way home I did the drive in 48 hours, with the following stops:

1. Subway Restaurants. (The Jared diet before the Jared diet was a marketing campaign designed to exploit fat people.)
2. A bar in Effingham, Illinois. It was Game 4 of the Raptors/Knicks series from 2001.
3. On the side of the road somewhere near Michigan. Not my finest moment.

This time I’m going equipped with an iPhone, 5,200 songs, podcasts and fuel efficiency.

Funny... It doesn't look that far.

Total damage on the trip is 4,065 km (2,525 miles for my American friends).

If I leave on the Tuesday, I should arrive on the Thursday evening. Think Iowa Tuesday night, Utah-ish on Wednesday and West Hollywood Thursday.

Smart Car should probably be filming this, right? I’m going to fire them an email.

During the drive I’ll be doing updates at the end of each day replete with photos and progress reports. Ideally, this would be a live stream via Twitter / Cover It Live but I wont have an American phone until I get to Hollywood. To get a decent roaming plan with a Canadian Carrier you need to sign over exclusivity of your liver, pancreas and brain stem. Alas.

If anyone has any ideas / tips for a cross country drive, feel free to drop me a note.

And of course… Thanks for visiting. Things are just getting started. SA.

Tough? Yes. Gangster? Sure. Inappropriate? Perhaps.

Somebody’s elbow took issue with my face last night in Jiu-Jitsu.  Yeah!

Off to teach a class, then I have two beauty auditions.  Thug life, indeed.

(And just so we’re clear…  I’ll try and limit the number of times that the Picture of the Day is a self-portrait.  It’s not as egotistical as Tucker Max twittering while being fellated… but it isn’t that far off.)